Chris Finerty On Choosing Connection Over Control At Work, At Home, And Within Himself
by Soumava Goswami blog 11 June 2025
For years, General Chris Finerty—Air Force veteran—started his days at 4:45 a.m., moving from one obligation to the next with barely a pause.
He’d hit the gym, head to work, and return home 12 to 14 hours later, having eaten most of his meals standing up at his computer.
At the time, that kind of pace felt productive. Everyone around him worked the same way, so he didn’t think twice about the structure or long hours. Nearly every minute of his day was scheduled, and for a while, that felt like success.
As the years passed, though, he began to realize that staying constantly busy came at the expense of his relationships and well-being.
Even though he accomplished a great deal, the way he was living left little room for the people he cared about most.
These days, he still gets up to work out, but he doesn’t find it necessary to start quite so early. The sense of urgency that once drove him has shifted, and he now makes space in his schedule to be more present in the moment.
“The key,” he said, “is to take only as much as you can truly focus on AND still have time to focus on your health and family.”
For General Chris Finerty, What Worked At Work Didn’t Work At Home
For most of Finerty’s career, success meant getting through massive to-do lists and supporting complex teams. He also always ensured that he didn’t miss any details.
He knew how to lead projects, manage outcomes, and stay ahead of deadlines. What he hadn’t always prioritized, however, was how his leadership style impacted the people closest to him, especially his family.
At one point, he found it difficult to connect with his son and recognized that part of the problem stemmed from treating their relationship like a work project.
“I would almost want to direct everything he did… which is clearly a mistake,” he said.
That instinct, while well-intentioned, ultimately created more challenges in their relationship rather than fostering a greater sense of closeness.
Finerty took time to reflect, and as he did, things started to change.
“Once I was able to take some time and think, I saw him as his own person, with his own personality, who needed to make his own decisions,” he said.
Work had consumed so much of his attention for so long that it took stepping back to see what his son actually needed. Instead of making sure his son did exactly as he told him, he decided it would be much more effective to act as a coach and mentor rather than try to control him.
General Chris Finerty Believes In Doing Less, But With More Direction
Chris Finerty—Air Force retiree—has come to see that it’s not just about working hard, but about directing that effort toward something that truly matters.
In the past, his goal was often to do more. Now, he’s more focused than ever on whether the work he’s doing actually adds value. Also, it must align with the outcomes he’s trying to achieve.
Too often, we see people working very hard, but on the wrong things, he said.
Finerty believes that he’s been successful because he puts all his energy toward the tasks that truly add value.
Before getting too deep into a project, he makes sure he has an understanding of his role. Also, he kept a check on how everyone is measuring success.
That helps him stay concentrated on the goal at hand instead of wasting time on tasks that look productive on the surface but actually don’t accomplish much.
At the same time, he does his best to ensure that everyone on his team understands the goal just as clearly.
He argues that when people know what the task is, they feel a sense of ownership in the outcome.
By doing this, the group works more efficiently and tends to be more successful.
These are skills that he hopes to pass on to his son, who is currently prepping for college applications and studying for the SAT.
What It Took To Become A Better Communicator?
One of the skills Finerty spent years developing was public speaking. He wanted it to be better both in front of larger groups and in smaller meetings.
It didn’t come easily at first. But he took the time to watch how effective speakers carried themselves. He noted that they used more than just their words to convey a message.
Things like how their body moved around the stage, when they paused, how they moved their hands, and what words they chose to use were among his observations.
Finerty also sought feedback. He understood that if he wanted to grow in this area, he’d need to practice.
Additionally, he must also let others weigh in on what he was doing well and what could be done better.
Over time, he realized that being a strong communicator wasn’t just about coming up with interesting ideas.
It was also about being able to articulate those ideas effectively and convince others to pay attention.
It is very clear to me that you could be an incredibly smart person with new and creative ideas, but if you can’t articulate those ideas and get others to listen to you, the ideas are worthless, he said.
General Chris Finerty’s Wake-Up Call From Home
Chris Finerty—Air Force veteran—has learned from plenty of mentors, but when it comes to the lessons that changed his life the most, he credits his kids.
“If you want to know what someone values, then look at where they spend their time,” he said.
Looking back, he knows that there were seasons when his time didn’t reflect what he said he valued most.
Work often got the best of him. He gave his family whatever was left over at the end of the day. He was one of the many people with a strong sense of duty.
Therefore, like many people, he convinced himself of something. Working nonstop was for the benefit of both himself and the country he served.
Eventually, he realized that he did not have any sort of work-life balance. This was pulling him away from the very people he was trying so hard to provide for.
General Chris Finerty truly believed one thing. When people get affirmation from work, it makes them feel special and even more confident.
However, he asserts that while this may appear to be genuine happiness, it is not. What one can achieve by spending time with friends and family is what real happiness is.
Without his kids, Finerty may never have fully recognized that difference. And that’s why he believes they’ve had the greatest impact on his life.
General Chris Finerty’s Mantra: Move Forward Without Losing Yourself
Some people are still considering their next step, whether in their career or personal life. General Chris Finerty encourages them to start by paying attention to what captures their energy and interest.
Committing to something long-term, he believes, is only worth it if it aligns with what truly matters to you. Even then, it can’t matter so much that it takes over everything else.
In his experience, real success depends on a person’s ability to create balance in their life. That means making space not just for career goals, but also for yourself and your family. When one area constantly outweighs the others, it’s easy to lose perspective of what’s important.
The people who stick around for the long haul are family and close friends. You should give them most of your time, not just what’s left over.
Finerty learned that the hard way, and it’s why he urges others to choose their priorities carefully.
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